Another one bites the dust.

 Day/week that is without working out. My plan. Spring break is not a good time to start, no time ever is. I always have an excuse. What a bummer blog this would be to read for someone looking for inspiration. They certainly would not find it in me. Not this go around anyway.

 I thought about signing up for the gym. But then I thought would I go? Or would I be once again shelling out money for something I would not take advantage of. I have running shoes, dumbells, wii fit, workout DVD's I can do this at home. I was telling myself I have an hour after work, before I need to get kids... I could hit the gym. Guess what? I could stop by that trail and jog/walk FOR FREE.

 So that is what I am going to do. My pants are so damn tight I get sore from wearing them. Its crazy. One day they are going to split and I am going to look like a really dumb fat ass.

Falling off the wagon I never really got on.

 Ugh. Why do I do this to myself? I dont know. I need to stop. Things get in the way.

 Here we go. Starting Monday. Why Monday because Tomorrow I need to get groceries. So starting Monday I have 2 goals. Just 2.

 WORKOUT 20 min 5x a week, and drink 64 oz of water each day. That is it. I can do it, I've done it before. I can do it again. My eating is fairly good 90% of the time. My main problem is not drinking my water, and not working out. This needs to change. This WILL change.

 So slow the wagon down, I am jumping back on and I want to get a good grip this time!

good and bad

 So this is day whatever. I finally weighed myself again. 171.2 today. Yes, that is up. No that is NOT the direction I want to be going. I could try and say I had popcorn, sodium, and also AF is on her way sometime in the near future, but honestly. I did not workout at all since starting this blog.

 I know for some, eating healthy, will cause them weightloss. I also know, for me, I must get off my butt and DO something to lose weight.

 So today I did something. I started out on my treadmill. It was wobbly because its on carpet, and I was wearing my jeans and my thighs rubbing together while jogging where honestly about to start a FIRE between my legs... So I stopped that and did my wii fit boxing. 20 min. No not too long, but a hell of a lot better that not at all. Slow and steady... Just 20 min a day I believe will help me with my goal. More is great, but I want to start off slow as not to burn out. I am SO out of shape.

 The bad. I ate like hell today. I felt FAMISHED all day and I ate, and I ate, and I did not make fantastic choices when I did so. Tomorrow is a new day. I will eat better, and I will do 20 min or more of a workout as well. I am in this to win this. I am SICK of  feeling like a fat cow. Seriously. I am embarrased of myself and hte way I look.

NO workouts this week

 First it was the sore feet, and then I feel and that just made my whole body sore... I did not get in a single workout this week. My eating has not been wonderful but much better than it has been, that is for sure. I can only hope to continue to improve.

 I really want to jog again. Run even. I really want that. I see people around here run by all the time and I feel jealous of them. I want to be the one someone else is jealous of!

Feet

 I got new running shoes before I started this blog. The reason was because my feet where getting achy. With being a waitress, I walk quite often and replace my shoes a lot. So I really thought the reason I was achy, was needing new shoes. So far though that has not solved my problem. I wanted to start to try to jog again, but my feet are not allowing that. By the time I have put in my 3.5 hours waiting tables I just want to get off my puppies, but I still have to cook dinner, and clean, so even at home, its not possible.

 Other than the fact that my feet kill me so I am getting no extra activity in. I did well today. I had breakfast lunch and dinner. I did not snack on bad things at work, only radishes! I did have a cupcake... it was homeade and I just cannot resist home made goodies!

 I did see a loss of 1.2 pounds on the scale this week. I hope I can keep seeing a loss. It is really motivating. Mostly though I just want to feel my damn pants losen up some. Its painful to put them on!

O R E O

 Not a good name for the title of a thread in a diet blog is it? NOPE.

 Today I am sore. Working in my garden area, has been quite the chore. So I did not do any type of workout at all. Too sore. I did however, eat very well...until bedtime, the worst time to overeat too right. Hubby pulled out his stash of OREO'S (double stuff) and I had probably 9 or 10. Grrrr. I had done really well the rest of the day so its not horrible, and its most CERTAINLY NOT a reason to throw in the towel. We are all human, and well, have to have oreos sometimes.

 Tomorrow I plan on getting on the treadmill, and finally breaking in my new shoes. Jog as long as I can and then walk, then jog some more. I am aiming for 20 minuets minimum. I can do that. NO problem! If its not raining I will start to till up my little garden plot as well!

Day 2

 I will probably soon forget to update daily, but for now I hope to do it.

 Today was a good day, mostly. Its a weekend which are my hardest days to keep on track. I had breakfast, lunch, snack and dinner. Everything was 100% until dinnertime. I ordered pizza. I did not over eat but well, it was pizza. And a breadstick.

 My activity today was yard work. I trimmed down all the hedges in the front and side of the house and I got my front flower bed ready and planted flowers! I plan on doing the side of the house and getting potatoes and onions planted tomorrow evening! I know its not a true workout, but it does burn some good calories and it needed done!

 So far I am feeling fairly confident. My plan is to have my pants buttoned w/o having to lay down by the end of this month. Then maybe rename the blog? :)

Onward and Upward: Day 1

 So day one. My plan was to get up and workout. I forgot I had a parent teacher conference to go to early on. Such is life, this is why you plan a bit better!

 Had the conference it went rather well too, which was a nice surprise.

 I did not weigh myself this morning. I am sure its right at 170 still.

 My food choices were not the worst and also not the best. Again it was a busy day.

 I had breakfast, lunch, and dinner... Dinner was out at Shcklotskis and I got baked chips diet coke and did not eat all my bread... So its better than nothing.

 I did not get in a workout but I walked all over sams club, target ANNNNNND walmart this evening. So I was not totally imoble and I AM totally worn out.

 So there was day one. I kept it in the back of my mind that I was doing this, so that is a good thing. On to day two. Its the weekend, but I have gathered up some healthy foods that I enjoy so I hope it goes well!

So March First

 I got motivated. It was the first of the month, it was a Monday. Wonderful day to start my new lifestyle change for the second time... That day came and went, without sucsess and here is is March 4th, which personally is also a wonderful day to start... but I didn't.

 I have put this off and put this off. Why? You see, about 5 years ago I weighed probably 200 pounds. I am 5 foot 1 inch tall. So this is VERY heavy. I had four kids pretty much back to back and each time I would lose a bit, I would get pregnant and eat for 2 (or 4)

 I drank soda like it was water, and still ate like a pregoo until I realized I was FAT. I felt fat, I looked fat, and I could not wear anything cute, it was all "old lady" things from the plus size section. So one day I just woke up and I did something about it. I quit soda, dropped 10 pounds. Easy. Then I started to work out, and eat right, and I was down to 131 pounds at one point. I could have stood to have lost a bit more but I looked good. I was certainly not fat. I felt good. I got looks and I was not ashamed to go out and dress up a little.

 So then, somewhere along the line. I gained some weight, wanted to lose it, but would fall off track and gain a little more... So now I got to where I am now. 170 pounds, well 169 but why not just round up? I do NOT want to hit 200 before I do something again. I look fat, I feel fat, I am tired ALL.THE.TIME. Walking up stairs is torture. This is bullshit.

 Yet each day I tell myself I will start, and at some point early on, fuck up and say "well tomorrow I will start" This needs to STOP. I need to get a grip. I want to feel good, I want to look sexy, I want to RUN up stairs and not be out of breath. First things first though... I want to put my pants on, button them, and do that, without having to lay on my bed!

 I am in groups where people have been on my side, telling me I am still pretty lade da. I have had people give me the hard truth to suck it up, get up and do it. JUST FUCKING DO IT CLORIE. But every time I feel like I have let them down and I feel crappy and I don't do anything about it.

 I think now, maybe I realize I need to do this, for ME again. Because I want to look good, because I want to feel good, because I want to hear those "oh wow, you look great, what are you doing" comments. Because I do not want to realize that person I have not seen in a while and know just KNOW They are thinking how I have gained weight. I do not want to be ashamed or scared to go into the school to get my kids because I feel fat. I want to have the confidence I have had before.

 So what am I going to do about it? I am going to take it ONE day at a time. Its all you can do. I am going to drink water, workout, eat smaller portions of better options, and I am going to realize even if I screw up once that day, the whole day is NOT blown. Pick right back up. I have done this before. I can do this again! I can do this for myself, I have to do this.


 Yesterday I armed myself with shoes. New shoes. I wore them to work today so they are broken in. Tomorrow I will jog. I might not jog far, or for long, but I will get better, each time, and that is what matters.

 So starting tomorrow. I will begin. I will try to update this, and show my wonderful progress on this blog. For myself, to go back and look, and see what I have done wrong and what I have done right.